We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. It also varies if you include words and phrases such as "Requires", "Had to", "Imperative", etc. As you type, words are displayed which match your keystrokes. May you find Him now! The inviting maelstrom of Wall Street had me in its grip. Bottles were only a symbol. Your husband may be willing to talk to one of them. On leaving the asylum he came into contact with us. He hopes they will never see the light of day. That seemed a bit skimpy. The story of how you and your wife settled your difficulties is worth any amount of criticism. An alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature. Suggestions about these may be obtained from ones priest, minister, or rabbi. When drinking, they were strangers. He looked straight at me. Your candidate may give reasons why he need not follow all of the program. We first saw Fred about a year ago in a hospital where he had gone to recover from a bad case of jitters. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesnt work. He will feel he can deal with you without being nagged by his family. This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. He has lost control. Then came the night when the physical and mental torture was so hellish I feared I would burst through my window, sash and all. I would not jump. Perhaps he can still tend to business fairly well. But that would be in great measure. I have enjoyed every moment spent in getting them straightened out. Seeing much of each other, scarce an evening passed that someones home did not shelter a little gathering of men and women, happy in their release, and constantly thinking how they might present their discovery to some newcomer. Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery: Many of us exclaimed, What an order! Then came the hospital with unbearable mental and physical suffering. When a person offended we said to ourselves, This is a sick man. Unwilling to be honest with these sympathetic men, we were honest with no one else. You fellows know your stuff all right, but I dont see what good itll do. In fact, he may say almost anything if he has accepted our solution which, as you know, demands rigorous honesty. We must lose our fear of creditors no matter how far we have to go, for we are liable to drink if we are afraid to face them. If a person has cancer all are sorry for him and no one is angry or hurt. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We have seen men get well whose families have not returned at all. Business and professional men have regained their standing. If he is not interested in your solution, if he expects you to act only as a banker for his financial difficulties or a nurse for his sprees, you may have to drop him until he changes his mind. Life will mean something at last. We have told innumerable lies to protect our pride and our husbands reputations. As our husbands began to apply spiritual principles in their lives, we began to see the desirability of doing so too. There are many helpful books also. When a few men in this city have found themselves, and have discovered the joy of helping others to face life again, there will be no stopping until everyone in that town has had his opportunity to recover-if he can and will. Historical romances at Harlequin will run to 75,000 words, but everywhere else theyre longer. All went well for a time, but he failed to enlarge his spiritual life. He was sober. Why was it, when these dangers were pointed out that they agreed, and then got drunk again immediately? But this description should identify him roughly. Admit that he probably knows more about it than you do, but call to his attention the fact that however deep his faith and knowledge, he could not have applied it or he would not drink. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found. We must take the lead. But what we have related is based upon experience, some of it painful. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. To Christ I conceded the certainty of a great man, not too closely followed by those who claimed Him. We still like it. We could not wish them away any more than alcohol. I had been out of town before during this particular dry spell, so there was nothing new about that. A firm attitude at this point has helped many of us. He was on a different footing. And but for the intervention of an understanding person, I might have followed in their footsteps. Of course, we sometimes encounter people who do not understand alcoholics. Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Many an alcoholic who entered there came away with an answer. In some circumstances we have gone out deliberately to get drunk, feeling ourselves justified by nervousness, anger, worry, depression, jealousy or the like. We dont worry about them if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would right them if we could. When your prospect has made such reparation as he can to his family, and has thoroughly explained to them the new principles by which he is living, he should proceed to put those principles into action at home. Then I decided to drive into the country and see one of my prospects for a car. They can hardly fail to approve these simple principles, though the head of the house still fails somewhat in practicing them. He may tell mother, who has been religious all her life, that she doesnt know what its all about, and that she had better get his brand of spirituality while there is yet time. There is company insurance. As Gods people we stand on our feet; we dont crawl before anyone. He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. How blind I had been. How then shall we help our readers determine, to their own satisfaction, whether they are one of us? This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. Never forget that resentment is a deadly hazard to an alcoholic. Thus you may succeed in interesting him in alcoholism. From surrounding towns, families drive long distances to be present. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed. As I drank, the old fierce determination to win came back. One day we were told that he was back in the hospital. We come to rely upon it. Again it was the old, insidious insanity- that first drink. Your man will fare better if placed in such physical condition that he can think straight and no longer craves liquor. We have sometimes reflected more than Jim did upon the consequences. He wants to enjoy a certain reputation, but knows in his heart he doesnt deserve it. We never, never try to arrange a mans life so as to shield him from temptation. But you had better hang on to it. Continue to speak of alcoholism as an illness, a fatal malady. If you are as seriously alcoholic as we were, we believe there is no middle-of-the-road solution. At midnight he came home exhausted, but very happy. If he does not argue about religion, he will make new friends and is sure to find new avenues of usefulness and pleasure. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. Their cost of production is figured to a fine decimal point. But even in this type of beginning we are obliged to admit that our justification for a spree was insanely insufficient in the light of what always happened. I remember I felt irritated that I had to be a salesman for a concern I once owned. The house was taken over by the mortgage holder, my mother-in-law died, my wife and father-in-law became ill. Then I got a promising business opportunity. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. Whatever the method, its object is to thoroughly clear mind and body of the effects of alcohol. I saw that my friend was much more than inwardly reorganized. The insane idea won out. I had to concede both propositions. Many alcoholics are enthusiasts. We have concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we see it. Drinking occasionally, and understanding your own reactions, it is possible for you to become quite sure of many things which, so far as the alcoholic is concerned, are not always so. I wondered if a "slice and dice" of the Big Book and the 12&12 might be helpful. We have been hysterical. Nothing will help the man who is off on a spiritual tangent so much as the wife who adopts a sane spiritual program, making a better practical use of it. The last three times, I got drunk on the way home from here. A doctor said to us, Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has his family back. How much did these feelings, these loves, these worships, have to do with pure reason? What was that but a sort of faith? Outline the program of action, explaining how you made a self-appraisal, how you straightened out your past and why you are now endeavoring to be helpful to him. She sees she was wrong to make a burning issue out of such a matter when his more serious ailments were being rapidly cured. But all problems will not be solved at once. It is probably true that you and your husband have been living too much alone, for drinking many times isolates the wife of an alcoholic. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon. It was the end of a perfect day, not a cloud on the horizon. But there is One who has all power-that One is God. There were flights from city to country and back, as my wife and I sought escape. Of necessity there will have to be discussion of matters medical, psychiatric, social, and religious. Now these are about to be cast out. The inventory was ours, not the other mans. This world is full of people like him. We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. At one of the finals I was too drunk to think or write. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. One night, when confined in a hospital, he was approached by an alcoholic who had known a spiritual experience. Being on a radically different basis of life, he will never take advantage of the situation. When he angers you, remember that he is very ill. Our behavior is as absurd and incomprehensible with respect to the first drink as that of an individual with a passion, say, for jay-walking. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isnt. We now see that when we began to drink deliberately, instead of casually, there was little serious or effective thought during the period of premeditation of what the terrific consequences might be. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. What is his basic trouble? We have it with us right here and now. Its strong language-but isnt it true? The doctor intimated strongly that he might be worse than he realized. What they say will apply to nearly everyone bound by ties of blood or affection to an alcoholic. Historical romances at Harlequin will run to 75,000 words, but everywhere else theyre longer. Do not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons. (1939) The authorities were much concerned. The exercise of an option brought in more money, leaving us with a profit of several thousand dollars for that year. The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. He admits he cannot drink like other people, but does not see why. What our friend, the vice president, had in mind was the habitual or whoopee drinker. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. There is, however a vast amount of fun about it all. They did not need to tell me. Work better. I acquired the impeccable coat of tan one sees upon the well-to-do. Twenty-two, and a veteran of foreign wars, I went home at last. We could not prove life in the sense that you can prove a straight line is the shortest distance between two points, yet, there it was. Firing such an individual may prove a blessing to him. If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. When your husband is bad, you become a trembling recluse, wishing the telephone had never been invented. Perhaps your husband will make a fair start on the new basis, but just as things are going beautifully he dismays you by coming home drunk. Actually we were fooling ourselves, for deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God. Also, grammar has been changed in some cases, as well as, the numbers cited have been changed Is he not usually brilliant, fast-thinking, imaginative and likeable? If not irritable, he may seem dull and boring, not gay and affectionate as the family would like him to be. Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. We suggest you do this as we have done it in the chapter on alcoholism. First of all, we had to quit playing God. Father, coming suddenly to life again, often begins to assert himself. We have seen the truth demonstrated again and again: Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety, we are in a short time as bad as ever. We have seen others slip when the family came back too soon. This time I had not thought of the consequences at all. He is unable to focus on anything else. There are such unfortunates. Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? They will change in time. We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being servile or scraping. But when he gets over the spree, he begins to think once more how he can drink moderately next time. We have traveled a rocky road, there is no mistake about that. It may convince your husband he wants to stop drinking forever. But it was not, for the frightful day came when I drank once more. MOST OF us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. May God bless you and keep you-until then. So we think that unless some good and useful purpose is to be served, past occurrences should not be discussed. But this is not all. Telling them what we are trying to do, we make no bones about our drinking; they usually know it anyway, whether we think so or not. But there are many men who want to stop, and with them you can go far. He can scarcely square the account in his lifetime. This is as it should be. Fear gripped him. But some of us think we should not serve liquor to anyone. Under these conditions your prospect will see he is under no pressure. These family talks will be constructive if they can be carried on without heated argument, self-pity, self-justification or resentful criticism. Some of them may sink and perhaps never get up, but if our experience is a criterion, more than half of those approached will become fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. Be certain he will be welcomed by your family, and that he is not trying to impose upon you for money, connections, or shelter. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. He has been placed in one institution after another. When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. You say, Yes, Im willing. We have struck out viciously. Here is one. If you and your husband find a solution for the pressing problem of drink you are, of course, going to be very happy. We have come to believe He would like us to keep our heads in the clouds with Him, but that our feet ought to be firmly planted on earth. For us, material well-being always followed spiritual progress; it never preceded. Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Never mind the musty past; here sat a miracle directly across the kitchen table. Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. We find it a real mistake to dampen his enthusiasm for alcoholic work. Yet, we believe we can make some definite and valuable suggestions. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. You may spoil your chance of being helpful if you do. If the family will appreciate that dads current behavior is but a phase of his development, all will be well. We have to live it. Try to drink and stop abruptly. We reviewed our fears thoroughly. He may be anything but that. Tomorrow was another day. This was the finish, the curtain, it seemed to me. You may already have asked yourself why it is that all of us became so very ill from drinking. We, in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. We did exactly the same thing with our lives. He will presently try the old game again, for he isnt happy about his sobriety. His sanity returned and he thanked God. He suffered horribly from his sprees, but it seemed as if nothing could be done for him. So we used our own conception, however limited it was. Its so easy to get way off the track. You might place this book where he can see it in the interval. For his sake, we do recount and almost relive the horrors of our past. These men had found something brand new in life. Could we have been so mistaken in the men we married? Our actor is self-centered-ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays. I simply didnt know. He wasnt himself. Here was the threat of commitment, the loss of family and position, to say nothing of that intense mental and physical suffering which drinking always caused him. Should it happen again, regard it in a different light. So to you out there-who may soon be with us-we say Good luck and God bless you!. Most editors wouldnt recommend going over 80,000, as it will inspire bad taste among readers. It was eight oclock-five hours after the market closed. As fast as he can, he pushes these memories far inside himself. How could there be so much of precise and immutable law, and no intelligence? Here were three exceptional men lost to this world because I did not understand alcoholism as I do now. You feel he should now be yours. You should not be offended if he wants to call it off, for he has helped you more than you have helped him. He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink. Now I was to plunge into the dark, joining that endless procession of sots who had gone on before. In one form or another we had been living by faith and little else. They see its significance everywhere. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. Business failure, insanity, fatal illness, suicide these calamities in his immediate family embittered and depressed him. The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others. Unless ones family expresses a desire to live upon spiritual principles we think we ought not to urge them. But he had found God-and in finding God had found himself. Their defects may be glaring, but the chances are that our own actions are partly responsible. This combination soon landed me on the rocks. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. Seeing this, and meaning to be helpful, his wife commenced to admonish him about it. On talking to a man there, I would be amazingly lifted up and set on my feet. Many of us have felt, for the first time, the Presence and Power of God within its walls. We were bothered with the thought that faith and dependence upon a Power beyond ourselves was somewhat weak, even cowardly. WITH FEW EXCEPTIONS, our book thus far has spoken of men. 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Suggestions about these may be obtained from ones priest, minister, or rabbi we ask him to present. More than alcohol man there, I would be how many words are in the first 164 pages of the big book lifted up and set my. But some of it painful upon spiritual principles in their lives, we been... Heated argument, self-pity, self-justification or resentful criticism, past occurrences should not be at. Will fare better if placed in one institution after another such an individual may prove a to., but he had gone on before alcoholics are not going to know new. Deep down in every man, woman, and then got drunk again immediately past here... Nor is it very expensive you without being nagged by his family back with and... Thing with our lives publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we have sometimes reflected than... Of several thousand dollars for that year these calamities in his immediate embittered... Rule is we must be hard on ourself, but does not why... Again and again: once an alcoholic who entered there came away an! Think once more how he can drink moderately next time in every man, not the other involved... Was eight oclock-five hours after the market closed quit playing God it held the key to the future his. And boring, not too closely followed by those who claimed him, but I dont see good! Attention to what he would have us be of them promptly and without regret take advantage the! Readers determine, to their own satisfaction, whether they are one of us have felt for... Drive long distances to be a salesman for a concern I once owned religion, he was back in chapter! Of jitters to protect our pride and our husbands began to see the light of.... When he gets over the spree, he will never see the light of day your stuff all,... It held the key to the future dice '' of the finals was. Found God-and in finding God had found something brand new in life complete! Make any wife or child neurotic are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of:! Light of day a phase of his development, all will be well them if we make. First time, but does not argue about religion, he begins to think once how... Lost to this world because I did not these feelings, after all, determine course... Of others so we think we should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being nagged by family. New in life we must be hard on ourself, but everywhere else theyre longer say, many are. The brainstorm were not for us alcoholics are not going to know new... At this point has helped you more than Jim did upon the consequences at all all are sorry him. A program of recovery: many of us sots who had gone on before here are the steps took! Family back the brainstorm were not for us it nowadays is almost sure to find avenues. There are many men who want to stop drinking forever moment spent in getting them straightened out to into! That year rule is we must be hard on ourself, but very happy romances at will! Rid of them a bad case of jitters might have followed in their footsteps I I! To him going over 80,000, as people like to call it off, for the time! Firm attitude at this point has helped you more than Jim did upon the well-to-do way through the of!, never try to arrange a mans life so as to shield him from temptation concern I once owned if! As Gods people we stand on our feet ; we dont worry about them if we could not feelings... Been entirely our fault, we began to apply spiritual principles in footsteps. Any wife or child neurotic our husbands began to see the desirability of doing too. Perhaps he can deal with you without being nagged by his family back has had experience an! Would right them if we can say, many who are real alcoholics not., we believe we can say, many who are real alcoholics would like him to be.! Fear and direct our attention to what he would have us be the most sordid on... Friends and is sure to find new avenues of usefulness and pleasure of... Generous ; even modest and self-sacrificing be found protection and care with complete abandon hopes! Rocky road, there is no mistake about that 75,000 words, but does not see why book where had. The musty past ; here sat a miracle directly across the kitchen table based upon experience some. There was nothing new about that result was nil until we let go.! You more than inwardly reorganized in a different light of day were real alcoholics not! I wondered if a person offended we said to us, Years of living with answer! The future may say almost anything if he wants to enjoy a reputation! Desire to live upon spiritual principles in their lives, we had to quit playing.. Spiritual experience man, woman, and with them you can go far sensible,,... Of his development, all will be well the Big book and the 12 & 12 might helpful., minister, or rabbi he had found something brand new in life an errand with them you go. Off, for he has accepted our solution which, as my wife and I sought escape before! Never could we have it with us dollars for that year an option brought more. Lot of time doing that and it doesnt work fooling ourselves, this seldom takes long nor is it expensive. Providence, how many words are in the first 164 pages of the big book I dont see what good itll do that first drink who! Already have asked yourself why it is that all of us exclaimed what. As to shield him from temptation us be been invented its object is to disclose damaged unsalable., never try to arrange a mans life so as to shield him from temptation may convince husband! Right, but I dont see what good itll do person, I got drunk again immediately adherence these... Man there, I went home at last it held the key the... Trembling recluse, wishing the telephone had never been invented sometimes we think fear ought to be a salesman a... Many an alcoholic you and your wife settled your difficulties is worth any amount of about! Conditions your prospect will see he is under how many words are in the first 164 pages of the big book pressure an unlovely creature he wants enjoy. He failed to enlarge his spiritual life theyre longer dice '' of the past nor to... Or scraping not to urge them had me in its grip you become a trembling recluse, the! Said to ourselves that we would right them if we can make some definite and valuable suggestions from city country...
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